"Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate." - W. H. Auden
I never know what in the world will me me happy.
I purposefully avoid watching certain shows or reading certain books because I don't want to be convicted about who I am and feel like I need to change something - because I will certainly fail at it. I've never watched Biggest Loser because everyone is always talking about how it makes them change their eating (or want to at least) and to exercise more. But, not only do I not want to eat healthier or exercise - but I know I don't have the self-disciple to follow through with it and then I'll feel guilty and stupid and like a big failure. So I avoid anything that will convict me about it.
I have to admit - I've done that with Bible reading as well. Talk about the biggest thing that can ever convict a Christian! So I avoid that gold edged book sometime frequently and something infrequently. But when I do pick it up - I discover it was a big fat lie. When I crack those intimidatingly thin pages it refreshes and encourages me and whatever corrections it reveals are just at refreshing and encouraging as any of the rest of the experience.
So, my most recent non-endeavor has been a certain book. Sacred Marriage. Of course a sacred marriage is a great thing . . . but you haven't heard the subtitle yet: "Maybe God didn't intent marriage to make us happy but to make us holy." (Or something to that effect.) Well dang. Of course I want to be holy . . . but I really REALLY want to be happy!
I bought the book though, I guess in hopes it would absorb into me or something . . . . When that didn't work, I went ahead and read the first chapter last night. Shocker of all shockers: It made me happy. APPARENTLY becoming more like Jesus and building your character and contentment makes you happy! Who would have thought?
I suppose I've read so many Christian marriage books that just plain piss me off - that tell me what I should be doing (but I always fail at), or worse, they tell me how to be based on the way women typically are thought to be - but I'm not like "normal" women at all. I usually identify with the man advice in those books - which presents it's own set of problems regarding my identity.
But this book doesn't tell me what to DO. I thought it would present a sort of "deal with it" mentality. But the way the concepts are presented freed me rather than chained me further to ideas that have never worked for me. It simply looks at marriage from a different perspective and it ended up being the case that I was already the kind of person that does that! I have just thought that it was wrong - that I was wrong. My mentality wasn't wrong because it was wrong - I just thought it was because I wasn't like everyone else. I'm not a romantic; I'm not ooey-gooey; I'm not a crier, a snuggler or a sentimentalist. It was refreshing to read a perspective that says that's not what makes a marriage work. It's not about the "spark" in your marriage - it's about staying, about attitude, about choices, about perspective.
It's about being like Jesus. If he can take the bad parts of life and work them out to where good comes from it - where good wouldn't have existed otherwise - then I can do that too. With him. And it makes me very happy.
I'm not sure I'm ready for Biggest Loser yet . . . but I'm ready for my marriage. I've got time and will.
"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."
- Orson Welles
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy, if not, you'll become a philosopher."
- Socrates
- Socrates
"When we are such as He can love without impediment, we shall in fact be happy."
- C.S. Lewis
