Nope.
I'm excited. I feel my body begin to wake up. The wheels in my brain begin turning and ideas start bouncing around. I begin to think of all of the things I can do in the next EIGHT HOURS I have all to myself. Journaling, reading, watching some netflix . . . ok maybe that's it, but I really love doing those things. Fellow parents: can you even imagine what you'd do with EIGHT HOURS of time when you're at your absolute best mentally and you HAVE to sit at a desk?! It's unfathomable!!
As a child, I dreaded the middle of the night. There was nothing scarier, sadder, lonelier, or more depressing than 3am. I'd lay in my bed in the dark sweating under the covers from a heightened adrenaline - but not be able to kick off the covers to cool off due to the fear. I wasn't afraid of monsters necessarily - just the vague notion of "something bad." And I'd stare at the clock and figure out how many hours of sleep I'll get if I fall asleep NOW . . . or . . . NOW . . . You know - we've all been there. Your own brain is NOT good company when you're depressed . . .
I very very frequently couldn't sleep at night. Hours were spent in the dark, frightened and depressed and lonely.
The time it took for the fear to turn towards excitement was an interesting journey. I hated the middle of the night. It was when I was supposed to be sleeping but couldn't. I was supposed to be sleeping. SUPPOSED to be. So I finally asked why. Why do I have to be tired when everyone else is tired and sleep when everyone else is asleep?
And so the night owl was born. But not without some side effects. Shame, embarrassment. I didn't really share my odd schedule with others. It seems that you're viewed as lazy if you get your rem cycles at different times than others.
BUT NOW - I don't care. I LOVE being awake in the middle of the night. It's when my brain works best. It's when I feel the most creative and the happiest. Forcing myself to try to sleep when I was designed to be at my best was HURTING me. When I gave up trying to fit what I thought I was supposed to be - that's when I became who I was supposed to be. It's pretty cool to feel comfortable with the way you naturally are.
If you can figure out how you work best - embrace it. Don't try to force yourself to be like someone else because they've figured out how they work best. We're all so very different and it's good. We're all a part of a big puzzle that makes a complete picture. We're a body with many parts. We all work differently and we're all completely necessary to be whole.
Apparently I sound like a hippie in the middle of the night . . . geez. Promise I'm not drunk . . .
A little tune as we part ways:
