Sunday our pastor asked us a question at the end of his sermon. You know the kind - where they say that they feel like it's a message for someone here today and then you're like: "Oh crap, that's totally me." He asked us to search our hearts and see if there was something we need to sacrifice - something we needed to give up that's hindering our growth with God. (I'm sure that's not an exact quote . . . but along those lines.) For myself it's a question of what am I wasting my energy on that I need to be using to get closer to my Savior.
So as I was standing there with my eyes closed beside my husband . . . thinking about all the things he needs to give up and about how applicable the message is for him . . . you know I'm not the only one . . . and I felt God give me a one word answer. Here's the weird part. It wasn't for anyone else but me! Who woulda thought.
It's so cool when Jesus Jesus Jukes you. Because he does it nicely and gently and lovingly - not like me. I like to use my whole body and kind of jump as I stab my finger at you and yell "You just got Jesus Juked!" But with that one word from my Lord I just stood there with wide eyes and thought "Whoa. I had no idea. I'll get right on that God."
And I did get right on it. I've often sat those moments out - let others have their special revelations from God while I just chill or think of how others need to be having these moments with God. But Sunday I prayed. I acknowledged how right he was about that one thing I need to give up; I gave it to him; I said: You deal with it - I'm guess I'm not doing as good a job at fixing things as I thought I was. And then . . . he took it. I didn't get a super special feeling to know he took it - rather it's been evidenced in the past few days.
Remember my use of the word "energy?" I have more energy. It's kind of like God is spiritually barfing all over me and it's so awesome. The energy I was using to focus night and day, day and night on that one thing had been taking all of my energy! I'm free now! It's like I deleted my cookies and now I run smoother and more efficiently. I have more space in my hard-head . . . I mean hard-drive for what HE's been saving for me. He just needed me to free up the space. He's been pouring revelation after revelation onto me and it's so much and so awesome and so non-stop that I can't write it all down - I actually had to stay AWAKE after my kids went to school and I started writing . . . and it wasn't fast enough . . . so I started typing and taking notes and jotting down ideas and trying to put these revelations into words that I can comprehend when I have time to go back over it.
It's fantastic. It's riding the line of overwhelming. I think God's doing it that way on purpose. He's really showing me how much he has for me and how much he wants to give me and all I have to do is basically get over myself.
I'm so excited I could barf.
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